1. I forgot to go to Quinn's school to volunteer on Wednesday
2. I forgot to go to Chloe's parent teacher conference tonight
3. Because Quinn said (as I tried to solve yet another problem re: therapy programs), "Mommy, I just wish you could play with me."
4. Because my house is an absolute mess and laundry is piled high
5. God has entrusted me with a child that I don't feel capable of parenting much of the time.
I truly feel as though I would be a great mom to two "normal" kids. Trying to keep one foot in Italy and one in Holland is too hard. Parenting two "only" children is breaking my spirit and my heart. I own every craft book ever written but never do them because I cannot get it together enough to do so. We have tons of great games but can only play them when Chloe is asleep or when we are in the waiting room of some therapy or she will destroy them. There are so many days when I wish we all would have just stayed in WI so the family support network was built in.
just wish for a couple weeks I could parent the way I always thought I would. I wish that people could see me as the together, fun-loving, up for anything person I once was. I feel as though my friends in CO have only known me as a disheveled, unorganized, sad, excuse for a mom/friend/wife.
Was talking to my dad and tearfully telling him (in code cuz the kids were in the car) that the hitting, biting, pinching, scratching (new), etc. was getting old. He asked, "Does he ever fight back?" Huh...I was talking about the fact that I was tired of getting hit, bitten, pinched, scratched. As for Quinn, he's tired of it too. No, he doesn't fight back. He yells because he knows he would get in trouble if he "fought" back. Now he gets in trouble for yelling (not from me). Dad asked what they recommend for Chloe's behavior and I told him (now sobbing), "More therapy." He replied, "For goodness sake, you are therapied out already." Yes, I know...the alternative is to live like this for the rest of our lives.
Got great advice tonight, "You just have to deal with it."
Please pray for me/us.
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3 comments:
Amy, Joe, Quinn and Chloe-
I miss having you all in my life and sometimes wish that I could be in CO to help you out. Amy I love YOU to death and don't know you any other way. I've told friends that you are a very put together and awesome woman doing a great job of being a mother/wife/friend. I find both you and Joe such an inspiration and have wondered at your faith and dedication! Know that I am praying for you.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TERRIBLY! I hate it that we are so far apart and so many states seperate us. You and your family are thought of daily as I look at the pictures all over my house. As much as you keep feeling like a failure in everything you are doing, you are not even close. You are someone that I have looked up to for the last 32 years and will for the next 50 years. Your kids are the luckiest kids on the face of this earth and as they get older you will continue to get stronger... and beable to smile at every single milestone that you turned over together. You keep your chin up, and know that I think your an amazing mother and an amazing friend!
I do (and don't) understand. Each of our "special" kids represents unique challenges. We didn't sign up for this and there are days (weeks) where I just wish I could be someplace or someone else. (Can you tell I'm battling the blues a bit myself at the moment?) Then tomorrow comes and you somehow manange to get up and start all over again.
I think often of that Christian poem called Footprints where Jesus says to the person questioning (my paraphrase), "Where were you when there was only one set of footprints in the sand?" God replies, "It was then that I carried you."
Why do we do this? Because we love our children and we somehow manage to do what is necessary. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and one day you'll look around and wonder how you have come so far. Keep talking to ANYONE who will listen (and it looks to me like you have some great family and friends) and it will help to keep you sane.
I realize it may sound funny to you, and in a way it is, but Jordan has been talking about coyotes almost non-stop for 10 months. Mostly he repeats the same information over...and over...and over. I keep telling myself that someday this too will pass. If it doesn't I may need medication (not really but you understand the sentiment).
I hope your week is going a little better:}
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