Multi-dentally delayed

Quinn is beginning to catch on...

The other day I was talking to another adult about Chloe (a topic of many of my conversations). As we spoke, Quinn eventually told the woman that Chloe was mult-dentally delayed. I guess he means "developmentally delayed". It was so sweet!

Yesterday, Chloe got off from the school bus. She came up the driveway and said, "Do?" (What are you doing?). We told her we were reading a book while we waited for her to get home. Quinn looked at me and said, "Mom, Chloe sure can do a lot for someone who is handicapped, can't she?"

He's a really good big brother. Sure, his baby sister drives him NUTS - just like any baby sister. Yesterday (now I am laughing), I came downstairs after hearing Quinn yelling "STOP, NO, QUIT, LEAVE ME ALONE!! STOP CHLOE". I was thinking, "Why doesn't he just get up and move so Chloe can't bug him while watching a show together?" As I began to descend the stairs...there was Quinn - climbing the bannister and hanging there watching the movie. I think he thought I was going to have a fit about him hanging from the railing watching their show. He said, "I had to get away from Chloe Mommy". He was probably pleasantly surpised when I said, "That was a good solution to the problem you were having."

Back to being a good big brother. Chloe loves her brother (though she shows it in very strange ways). When she comes home from school and Quinn is gone, she looks at me and says, "Qua?" (Quinn?). I tell her that he is at school. Chloe says, "Qua - coo?" (Quinn's at school?). At bedtime (mostly when Daddy is not home), as I am putting her to bed, she says, "Qua - ha ha". (I want Quinn to sing me my bed time songs). Quinn comes in and sings You are My Sunshine. He substitutes words...You will never know Chloe, how much I love you, please don't take my Chloe away." He also sings the second verse (but he has only heard it 2 or 3 times). He says, "The other night I dreamed I holded you in my arms and then I woke up and you weren't there and I held my head and cried (and he grabs his head and sings in a crying voice)." Then, he crawls into her bed and gives her a kiss and hug.

It's hard being Chloe's big brother, especially when you are only a 5 year old who is a mere 18 months older than your baby sister. I am so thankful that God gave Chloe a big brother like Quinn. He has faults but he sure is good to his baby sister a lot of the time!!

There are two schools of thought on siblings of "special needs" kids. One - the "other child" becomes angry and upset about the attention focused on the special needs child. He or she acts out in anger and hate. Two - the "other child" becomes compassionate. loving, accepting person who cares deeply and who becomes an advocate who stands up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. I sure hope Quinn chooses option 2.

I Need a Cell Phone like Yours!!!

Last night, Quinn was sitting on our bed after reading the Bible. We talked about how he hadn't talked to his grandparents in a while and how that might make them sad. This is when he announced (he's 5), "I need my own cell phone." I said to Joe, "Did you hear that????" I said to Quinn, "Did my 5 year old just tell me that he needed a cell phone?" Of course, I was laughing. Quinn, in all seriousness, continued, "I need one just like yours Mom." Okay...so my 5 year old not only needs his own cell phone...he needs a Blackberry Curve. I have my favorite five on my phone. They show up in a little circle on the front of my phone with photos. I have my mom & dad, Joe's phone, Carrie's house, My Gym and our house on there. I have unlimited minutes to these five numbers. Quinn told us he would replace My Gym with Grandma Nancy.

I think the bottom line is that Quinn wants to call his grandparents but feels he can only do so if he has in own cell phone!

I made him a phone list in an "address book" just for Quinn. This will have to do for now! Don't be surprised if you get a call from Quinn but...in the meanwhile, give him a call. Unfortunately, you will have to use our home phone number :).

To be Adored

Some friends of ours got back from Ethiopia this weekend. They adopted two small children. Lisa blogged about a little girl that they had met while there. They gave her a teddy bear. She said it was so incredibly heart-breaking to watch this little girl, teddy bear in hand, waving good-bye to them with tears streaming down her tiny face. The little girl is deaf and she has watched so many adopted children leave with their new families but she is always rejected because of her disabilities (thankfully she is being adopted by a special education teacher and her husband). She will no longer have to watch the kids go as she is left behind. Imagine the pain in her little heart.

This story really affected me. As I sit here sobbing, I wonder if I am crying for this little girl or for my own little girl who is passed over and rejected every day of her life. I know it is totally different but in some ways I feel that Chloe feels that same rejection because she is different. So many times she has been locked out of Quinn's room when he has friends over or she hears, "LEAVE ME ALONE or STOP IT" from Quinn, his friends and her cousin. She doesn't really have any friends who accept her just the way she is. She can be really hard to be around because she hits or she doesn't fit in. You cannot really blame the other 3, 4 and 5 year olds - they don't know any better.

I was reading something written by another mom of a child with PTLS - Adri is the same age as Chloe. She said that her daughter is sweet, kind & loving and she feels it is because she is modeling the behaviors of her older sister, her sister's friends and her older cousins who all adore her. Is there really anyone that "adores" Chloe? Most people tolerate her, ignore her or just pay her a small bit of attention so that they can move on to other things. It's no wonder she loves therapy so much! All that attention for just her.

The dictionary defines adore as: to regard with the utmost esteem, love, and respect; honor or to like & admire very much.

Aside from her mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents...is there truly anyone who adores Chloe? She doesn't have older siblings to make a big deal of her. Her big brother is only 18 months older than her. She doesn't have older cousins that live near her...her cousin is the same age and doesn't understand why Chloe can't talk like him or play like him. Explaining it to a three year old doesn't do much good.

So, when very few people adore you, how do you act? You act silly to get attention, you do naughty things so people notice you, you hit because you can't say "hey, that's mine" or "please play with me". I understand that every child is different. Maybe Adri just has a different personality. Maybe not. Maybe if you are admired, loved, respected, included, felt to be made a part of vs. left out, yelled at, pushed away, constantly corrected you naturally develop a sweeter disposition.

Is it the chicken or the egg? Is it a catch - 22? How do we fix it? How does a mommy protect her daughter while at the same time respecting the needs of the other children in her life? Do answers to these questions actually exist somewhere? Will God explain why he chose this path for Chloe's life when I stand before Him? Will he make her all better someday? Will she feel the joy of knowing that she is one of his beloved children? What would you do? I am all ears (or eyes as the case may be).

Thanks for "listening".