Some friends of ours got back from Ethiopia this weekend. They adopted two small children. Lisa blogged about a little girl that they had met while there. They gave her a teddy bear. She said it was so incredibly heart-breaking to watch this little girl, teddy bear in hand, waving good-bye to them with tears streaming down her tiny face. The little girl is deaf and she has watched so many adopted children leave with their new families but she is always rejected because of her disabilities (thankfully she is being adopted by a special education teacher and her husband). She will no longer have to watch the kids go as she is left behind. Imagine the pain in her little heart.
This story really affected me. As I sit here sobbing, I wonder if I am crying for this little girl or for my own little girl who is passed over and rejected every day of her life. I know it is totally different but in some ways I feel that Chloe feels that same rejection because she is different. So many times she has been locked out of Quinn's room when he has friends over or she hears, "LEAVE ME ALONE or STOP IT" from Quinn, his friends and her cousin. She doesn't really have any friends who accept her just the way she is. She can be really hard to be around because she hits or she doesn't fit in. You cannot really blame the other 3, 4 and 5 year olds - they don't know any better.
I was reading something written by another mom of a child with PTLS - Adri is the same age as Chloe. She said that her daughter is sweet, kind & loving and she feels it is because she is modeling the behaviors of her older sister, her sister's friends and her older cousins who all adore her. Is there really anyone that "adores" Chloe? Most people tolerate her, ignore her or just pay her a small bit of attention so that they can move on to other things. It's no wonder she loves therapy so much! All that attention for just her.
The dictionary defines adore as: to regard with the utmost esteem, love, and respect; honor or to like & admire very much.
Aside from her mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents...is there truly anyone who adores Chloe? She doesn't have older siblings to make a big deal of her. Her big brother is only 18 months older than her. She doesn't have older cousins that live near her...her cousin is the same age and doesn't understand why Chloe can't talk like him or play like him. Explaining it to a three year old doesn't do much good.
So, when very few people adore you, how do you act? You act silly to get attention, you do naughty things so people notice you, you hit because you can't say "hey, that's mine" or "please play with me". I understand that every child is different. Maybe Adri just has a different personality. Maybe not. Maybe if you are admired, loved, respected, included, felt to be made a part of vs. left out, yelled at, pushed away, constantly corrected you naturally develop a sweeter disposition.
Is it the chicken or the egg? Is it a catch - 22? How do we fix it? How does a mommy protect her daughter while at the same time respecting the needs of the other children in her life? Do answers to these questions actually exist somewhere? Will God explain why he chose this path for Chloe's life when I stand before Him? Will he make her all better someday? Will she feel the joy of knowing that she is one of his beloved children? What would you do? I am all ears (or eyes as the case may be).
Thanks for "listening".
3 comments:
There is no doubt Chloe's Nanny and Papa "ADORE" her. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't wish we could give her a big hug, play color games, play with baby's, swing on the swing, jump on the trampoline, go for walks, give back rubs, read stories, rock her when she first wakes up in the morning or from her nap or watch her quietly sneak down the steps when she should be sleeping. Our arms ache as much as our hearts because we can't hold her every day. She has two cousins in Alabama that truly love to play with her. They love her for who she is, not for what she could be. She also has a very dear friend named Helena Alley from Killen, AL. Every time we see that little girl she ask when Chloe is coming to play with her again. they had a great time together at the Botanical Gardens. I think she needs older friends like these that understand that she is a little different and can handle her frustrations. Like you said, Amy, I don't think she means to be mean or naughty. It is just that she wants attention and thinks that is how to get it. (Sometimes it works!!!). Chloe, you are sweet and we love you no matter what. Nanny and Papa
To be adored, I guess that's something we all need and want. As a parent of a kiddo w/autism I can relate. Some people in your life's path will seek to understand, some will not. Although your circle of acquaintances may not be large, you will find those relationships where Choloe is accepted and adored to be deep and safe harbor in which to weather the storms of life.
As for Quinn....give him time. Maturity will teach him many things. I can promise you, that through your awesome example, he will become a stubborn and fierce protector of his Chloe. As with all sibling relationships, "I want you to buzz off, but I'll do serious bodily harm to anyone else who tries to hurt you." Along the way, he will develop a heart of compassion for others, just give him time.
After reading your post I can say without hesitation I ADORE your special little girl. I look forward to seeing her face everyday. She brings sunshine to our class and to my life. She is special in so many ways. She perseveres, triumphs, sparkles joy like only Chloe can and accomplishes more than many would ever imagine. I don't see a glass ceiling hovering over hear head. Her potential is not even close to being reached! I can see Chloe in 5 years, talking, laughing, and playing with friends. I can see her overcoming the limitations of today and surpassing your dreams. I can see you in 5 years awe inspired by the miracles both small and large in her life. I can see you marveling at her accomplishments and delighting in her future. Hang on --- the journey has not been easy nore is it over yet. But - knowing your precious little one like I do -- I know the future is bright for you all!
From one who sees the beauty of Chloe and looks to the future with great hope on your behalf! She is worthy of love, adoration and hope beyond words and it is my delight to spend time with her everyday!
Ms. Nancy
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